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DOUBLE TAP TO ZOOM WITH PHONE OR TABLET bonding, producing what Buddhism calls the middle way. This is not a com- promise; it’s not meeting halfway between two opposites. Instead, it’s “a higher middle way, like the apex of a triangle” (Covey 2002, x). When you produce something with another person that is truly creative, it’s one of the most powerful forms of bonding there is. Initially, I needed something more concrete than visualization to actually get to third space, so I came up with a system. I never could remember the steps of other people’s problem-solving approaches, so I made up my own. Although it looks like it, mine isn’t a series of steps; it is more holistic. I call it RERUN. The first R stands for reflect. Reflection is important, and there are two aspects to reflection: self-reflection and active listening. Self-reflection allows you to become aware of what’s going on inside yourself—in your guts and in your head. Ask yourself why this issue is a challenge for you. How much do you understand about where you are coming from and what’s really going on inside you? The other aspect of reflection—active listening— involves communicating with the other person. Active listening is about reflecting back what you hear the other person saying—not just the words, but the meaning and the feelings behind them. You can’t have a judgmental tone, or it won’t work. When reflecting back what you pick up from the other person, you encourage more talk. Best of all, it helps avoid getting into an argument with the person. Arguing won’t take you to third space. The E stands for explain. When you have really listened to the other per- son and are beginning to understand a point of view that isn’t yours, then you can explain your point of view. Don’t start with this and don’t do it too soon. Listening is a very important part of communication. If you forget that, just remember that we have two ears and only one mouth, so we are meant to listen twice as much as we talk. Also remember that listen and silent have the same letters. Seek first to understand before being understood. The second R stands for reason. You should be clear about your reason for what you believe in. You should also encourage the other person to explain her reason. Be gentle about this, but remember that it’s important to get down to the reasons. The U stands for understand. Obviously, understanding is key to success. It may take more than one discussion—it might take many discussions! Hav- ing a relationship with the person you don’t see eye to eye with will help in this process. Do work continually on building the relationship. Start early and keep at it. Keep going back to Reflect, Explain, and Reason at any point when understanding is weak or nonexistent. Finally, the N stands for negotiate. It’s not the kind of negotiation you do when you’re buying a house or a car. It’s the kind that has you talking together to see how you can come to an agreement about what to do about COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL OU R WAY TO SIN CER ITY 5